It is almost five am and I am wide awake. I figure I might as well get some writing done.
Years ago if you would have told me that I would have spent a Friday night cleaning my apartment, with one of my best friends, until three am, and had fun… I would not have believed you.
You can have some meaningful conversations while scrubbing a toilet and on your hands and knees getting the floor tiles clean.
I feel like both of us had a lot of catching up to do, and catching up we did. I’ve had so much on my brain over the last few months (or years). I could talk to some people for days about the little dramas of my life and for some reason, some things were still festering inside of me. Life is always happening, and I always find a way to deal with it, but it feels amazing to be able to talk to another female who truly gets you.
It is always awesome knowing you can be that person for someone else too.
The two of us grew up in the same place, at the same time, with the same people, but never really became close until our early twenties, and I feel like that is the backbone of our long term friendship.
We were raised in a similar fashion, saw the same things growing up, and other things of that nature.
We always had an understanding where the other was coming from, because it was the same place.
I think the reason tonight really meant so much to me is because she was still there for me, after going MIA for about two years or so. I was hesitant to reunite with her, for no other reason than the simple fact that I feel like a complete asshole for neglecting my friends for as long as I have. And yeah, I take pride in being an asshole most of the time, but this time it isn’t the case.I am truly sorry, though it was a hard lesson, I am glad that it was learned.
I blew off all sorts of get together’s, birthday celebrations, game nights, and yet, there they are still by my side.
I will get where I need to be with my friendships, soon enough. Baby steps.
I do love my alone time, but it does get awfully, uhm, lonely.
I feel like I should explain what actually went through my mind during that time of my life, and if you’d like to hear it, I will gladly tell you, just not here. (or maybe that will be another post on its own) So, to all of my friends… I am very sorry for not being around. I know I never actually “left”. I was always there for anyone who needed an ear, and I always will be. I am obviously a great friend, to some great people, or else you all would be long gone by now, I’m sure of it. I have not been preforming to my full potential, and as I said, for that I am sorry.
I guess what I am trying to say is that I’m back, bitches.
I am done being butthurt about all of this… Worrying if everything would still be the same, even though I’ve been missing for so long.
I would also like to say thank you for those of you who never gave up on me and stayed by my side… after all of these years. I love you all. Even though I probably tell you that I hate you most of the time. That just means you’re doing it right.
Back to my girl that inspired this little post.
Thank you for understanding, everything, always… But most importantly, thank you for understanding that in order to get your house really clean, you need to mix different cleaning products, to create the ultimate cleaning product.